I have always felt it is my duty as a mom to capture at least a few* good pictures of Sienna each month. (*a few = 100). After Sienna’s diagnosis last year, I took a couple of months off. We were in shock, we moved, and we launched Sienna’s first fundraising campaign. But mostly, it wasn’t a time that I particularly wanted to remember.
Now that we’ve found our footing again, I have become a little obsessive about documenting the happy times. But sometimes I wonder if my desire to capture the moment is starting to get in the way of living the moment.
Some of the time, Sienna gets annoyed with the paparazzi act and I worry that I am creating a lifelong aversion to being photographed.
“No pictures, Mommy, I’m busy!”
Other times, thanks mostly to a new camera with lightning-fast shutterspeed, I have been able to capture moments as they happen!
But what about the non-recorded moments?
Sometimes when there’s no camera in sight and I am just living in the moment – particularly the really great moments – I feel guilty. Suddenly I can no longer enjoy the moment because I realize this is the only time I will get to experience THIS moment. How will I ever remember her smile, how hard she laughed, or that funny thing she said if I don’t have them on tape?
And then there are the FOP-specific worries: What if her shoulders lock up tomorrow and this is the last time she is able to crawl around and bark like a puppy? What if she loses motion in that arm tomorrow and she can never again reach the shelf in her toy kitchen to make – as she calls it – a “peanut butter and jelly bean sandwich”?
What about all of you? Is this a new kind of crazy inspired by FOP or is this a struggle that all parents go through? What’s the right balance for living your life vs. recording it?